When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
