You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
