Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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