if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
