I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
