Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize