Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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