You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
