I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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