Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
