I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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