Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
