He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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