So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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