return my video game
I'm passing your future prison.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
