It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
