There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
