If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
