they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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