It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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