Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
