god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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