Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
