I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
