I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
