It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize