I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
