Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize