Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
