This girl is more easily done than said...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
