White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
