suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
