i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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