she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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