need another drink. this is the easiest way
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
