I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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