where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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