I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
