I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
