I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
