i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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