laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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