You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I die, sorry about rent.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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