I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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