okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
