sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
