i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
