Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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