My nipple is on Facebook.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
