Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
