I wanna bring you to show and tell
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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