i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
