i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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