So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
