Michael Bay diarrhea
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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