This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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