Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize