The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
