Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
