Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
