we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
