I think i peed on brittanys purse
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
