I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
