It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
