please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
