I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
