Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
