some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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