My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
