I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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