what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
