dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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