I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize