im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
