After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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