FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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