I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
