So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
